How to succeed in building a happy marriage

Lessons learnt in Pre-Marital Counseling training

There is no such thing as compatibility and falling in love.

Love is NOT just

• a feeling (lust is)
• "something that happened"

Love is

• a choice
• giving, not getting
• preferring the other person over your own personal interests (now can you see why marriages fail?)

Two Christians are ready to get married only when they have demonstrated adequately in scenarios posed to them that they are willing to and able to solve problems by thinking through things through God's word. The Bible is very practical and meant to be used to solve ALL of life's problems.

Everyone is different in the way they think. Two people getting married are not meant to think the same. That is why books like Men from Mars and Women from Venus are so popular because they express God's plan - to make men and women completely different so that together they can solve family problems from two perspectives and be able to approach problems more comprehensively.

Its more important that a couple think together than they think alike. If they learn to process problems together, that will set them up for marriage and if they know how to appreciate the different points of view that they come from, they can be an example to others of God's way marriage was intended to be - successful and long lasting marriage.

Lifehack - Why you should get Pre-Marital (Marriage) Counseling

Pre-marital Counseling Why is it so important? If 50-75% of the cars manufactured by Toyota blew up in the early part of their expected life, everyone would be shocked! Problem is, marriages are not given the same level of attention as manufacture of cars – even though marriage break downs can have an equally devastating effect. If you are going to get married, you should go for the most extensive counseling you can get.

Why else:

1. It’s the second most important decision in a person’s life (other than receiving God’s forgiveness and ensuring that we are going to heaven)
2. God treats marriage very seriously, we should too
3. The Church is made up of families
4. The more time the Church spends on pre-marital counseling, the less it spends on divorce, family problems, marriage counseling and other related problems
5. You spend much of your formative years in a family and it dictates what person you become
6. It’s easier to change a relationship at the beginning than in the middle of a relationship
7. It’s easier to do marriage when the guidelines are set at the beginning

Where to get Pre-Marriage Counseling? From the Church. Marriage came from the Bible. God instituted Adam and Eve to be married so if you ARE going to get married, do it God’s way. Some Churches have a very slack marriage counseling program. If yours does, find another one. It’s worth it.

What kind of Pre-Marriage Counseling? Since every individual is created differently, it is better to learn from the author of mankind (God) than to learn from someone else’s experience. Some people will only teach you based on their experiences, don’t learn from them if that is all they offer! God has a vested interest in making marriages work (because he uses marriage as an example of his relationship to the Church) so he also has very clear and defined instructions on marriage.

Bob Jones University has a Pre-Marital counselling series on video which Churches or individuals can purchase or borrow for a semester. This series is excellent as it is based on Biblical principles not people’s experiences.

Unit Five: Premarital Counseling

Overview of the premarital counseling process
God's goals for marriage
Essential habits of Christian character
Biblical roles in marriage
Biblical communication and problem solving
Finances, sex, & in-laws

Follow this link for more details http://www.bjupress.com/services/ibe/courses/special_topics/biblical_counseling_series.htm

Recommended Reading

Ministry of Marriage - Jim Binney
Preparing for Marriage God's Way - Wayne Mack

Evangelism is NOT an obligation its a PRIVILEGE

When you see anything as an obligation or just as a commandment, you will not be able to do it long. In the long term, that motivation will not last. If you want to do something for God, such as evangelism, prayer, reading the Bible you have to make yourself see that these are privileges that are open to Christians. You don't need to command someone to support a basketball team that they love. You don't command your husband to love you. These things are best done when we realise how privileged we are to have these available to us.

With Evangelism you are sharing the joy of salvation with people who are already condemned! You are providing a cure for a disease that will bring them eternal punishment. You are helping show a man on death row that he can receive a pardon from the judge. If you can see your friend, neighbour, stranger or colleague standing at the pit of hell in great despair, your prayer for them and your fervency in evangelism will increase. But always remember that they are not good people in trouble with a bad God. They are bad people in trouble with a good, Holy, Just and Loving God. If you get this wrong, their conversion will be spurious.

How to get over hating yourself

As news reports indicate, mistreatment of children is tragically common. And kids wounded by abuse can be scarred for life. Fortunately, most people's experiences aren't that extreme. But even mild hurts can fester, affecting relationships and self-image.

The Origin. The bondage of self-rejection can often be traced to feeling unaccepted by someone close. Trauma like divorce or a loved one's death may also contribute to a distorted self-image. Once internalized, this type of thought pattern can lead to negative behaviors.

The Symptoms. If a person has trouble accepting himself, he may have a tendency to criticize others and interpret innocent comments as personal attacks. Perfectionism and feelings of inferiority are also common. As a result, fear of failure and criticism may lead to procrastination.

Unpredictable anger is another outcome of self-rejection. With people who are hurt, frustration may ignite easily. Such individuals might become loners or feel overly concerned about others' opinions. For example, instead of concentrating on a church service, one may notice what people are wearing and feel insecure about her own outfit. Someone with this mindset can be hard to love because she questions whether she's worthy of care and affection. Sadly, she may then behave in a way that "proves" her theory.

The solution is found in today's scripture: Believers are to accept one another as Jesus accepts them. This includes accepting themselves. Ask God to search your heart and reveal any areas of self-rejection.

READ | Romans 15:7

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